Let's Talk Leadership
Leadership. It's one of those concepts we all think we understand until we're actually in the position.
If you're like me, you've probably sat through countless meetings where someone raised their voice to assert dominance, dismissed ideas that weren't their own, made passive-aggressive comments about team performance, or acted like the all-knowing oracle where every decision had to flow through them.
Sound familiar?
That's because most of us develop our notion of leadership through what researchers call "implicit leadership theory" – we form unchallenged ideas about what constitutes effective leadership based on our observations and experiences. As Lord and colleagues defined it, implicit leadership theories are "cognitive structures or prototypes specifying the traits and abilities that characterize leaders" (Lord, Foti, & DeVader, 1984).
Combined with social learning theory, implicit leadership theory explains how we unconsciously absorb leadership models from parents, teachers, previous bosses, and even characters in movies – "learning by osmosis", as my dad would say.
We rarely question these mental models until we step into leadership positions ourselves and discover, sometimes painfully, that what we thought would work clearly doesn't. Then we find ourselves trying to make these ineffective leadership styles work, all the while undermining our ability to lead our teams effectively.
Let's have an honest conversation about leadership today – where we can cut through the corporate jargon and noise and get real about what works and what doesn't.
The Leadership Approaches We Need to Abandon
Leadership theory has evolved significantly over the decades, but outdated models still persist in many organizations. Let's examine some leadership myths that need to be retired:
The "Great Man" Theory
This century-old theory suggests that leaders are born, not made, and possess inherent traits that naturally make others follow them. It's the idea that only certain special individuals can achieve greatness—and everyone else should stand back and wait for them to perform miracles.
Picture this scenario: A team faces a critical deadline. The charismatic leader at the helm has convinced everyone (including themselves) that only they have the vision and ability to solve the problem. Team members stand around waiting for instructions or, worse, waiting for the leader to do the work themselves—like that scene in The Incredibles where the neighbor boy sits on the sidewalk saying he's "waiting for something amazing to happen."
In Great Man leadership environments, employees stop thinking for themselves. Innovation stalls because everyone is waiting for the "great man" to have the next brilliant idea. This power-focused, personality-centric approach might stroke the leader's ego, but it cripples organizational capacity.
The Charismatic Leadership Myth
Similar to the Great Man theory, charismatic leadership emphasizes personal charm, persuasiveness, and force of personality. While charisma can be an asset, research has repeatedly shown that when it's not backed by substance, it often leads to flash-in-the-pan success followed by spectacular failure.
The most dangerous charismatic leaders create cults of personality where questioning is discouraged and team members become extensions of the leader's ego rather than contributors with their own valuable perspectives.
The Command-and-Control Model
This military-derived leadership model assumes that clear hierarchy, unquestioning obedience, and top-down decision-making produce the best results.
While this approach might be effective in literal life-or-death battlefield situations, it fails dramatically in day-to-day office environments.
Command-and-control leadership research consistently shows that it undermines performance, especially for knowledge workers in today's complex organizations. While it might create short-term compliance, it destroys innovation, engagement, and ultimately, results.
What's more problematic is how this power-focused model conditions employees to put their brains in neutral—they stop identifying and implementing innovative solutions because they've been trained to simply wait for and execute orders.
The long-term result is an organization that can't adapt to change because its people have forgotten how to think independently.
As I share with my clients in workshops, training, and coaching sessions, "Leadership isn't something you do to people; it's something you do with people."
This fundamental shift in perspective changes everything. In fact, all the bad leadership experiences I've had in my career led me to start Arrington Coaching, where I'm trying to impact an entire generation of leaders for the better.
What Exceptional Leadership Actually Looks Like
So if these outdated leadership models are out, what's in? The research overwhelmingly points to transformational leadership as the most effective approach for today's organizations.
Transformational leadership focuses on inspiring and elevating both the leader and followers to higher levels of motivation and morality. Unlike the power-focused and personality-centric models we just discussed, transformational leadership is fundamentally people-focused. These leaders understand that their primary job isn't to wield power but to unlock potential.
What makes transformational leadership so effective is its focus on intrinsic motivation. Rather than using carrots and sticks to drive behavior, transformational leaders tap into people's internal desires for meaning, growth, and contribution. They understand the outcomes they're trying to achieve and work to align their team's intrinsic motivators toward these goals.
Based on our work with hundreds of leaders across industries, here are seven traits that truly exceptional, people-focused leaders demonstrate consistently:
1. They Ask More Questions Than They Answer
Contrary to popular belief, great leaders don't have all the answers – but they ask powerful questions that unlock insights from their teams.
Instead of declaring "Here's what we're going to do," they ask "What do you think we should do here?" or "What are we missing?" This approach not only leads to better solutions but also empowers team members to develop their own critical thinking skills.
2. They Create Psychological Safety
Amy Edmondson of Harvard Business School defines psychological safety as "a belief that one will not be punished or humiliated for speaking up with ideas, questions, concerns, or mistakes" (Edmondson, 2019). Exceptional leaders intentionally create environments where people feel safe to take risks, voice concerns, and challenge assumptions.
This isn't about being nice – it's about being effective. Teams with high psychological safety consistently outperform those where people are afraid to speak up.
3. They Practice Positive Accountability
Poor leaders use accountability as a weapon – "Who's to blame for this mess?" Great leaders use accountability as a development tool – "What can we learn from this, and how can we do better next time?"
In our Getting Results with Positive Accountability course, we teach leaders that accountability is actually about helping people succeed, not punishing them when they fail. Transformational leaders create structures and processes that enable their teams to avoid huge misses and work diligently to ensure they create an environment where their teams can do their best work. This shift creates teams that take ownership rather than avoid responsibility.
4. They Embrace Diverse Perspectives
The best solutions rarely come from echo chambers. Exceptional leaders actively seek out and welcome divergent viewpoints, especially those that challenge their own thinking.
According to the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM), there are multiple dimensions of diversity that enhance leadership perspective. These include both visible traits (age, race, ethnicity, physical abilities, gender) and invisible traits (education level, veteran status, marital status, socioeconomic background, sexual orientation, religion, neurodiversity, life experiences, organizational function and level) (SHRM, 2025).
Research consistently shows that companies with diverse teams experience significantly better financial performance. A McKinsey study found that companies with ethnically diverse executive teams were 36% more likely to have above-average profits than those with less diversity (SHRM, 2023).
As our 3 Ways to Promote Diversity and Inclusion post explores, transformational leaders recognize that all types of diversity increase a leader's perspective and ability to connect with different stakeholders. By fostering environments where people from various backgrounds feel genuinely valued, leaders create the conditions for innovation and creative problem-solving to flourish.
5. They Focus on the Why, Not Just the What
Mediocre leaders tell people what to do. Exceptional leaders help people understand why it matters.
Transformational leaders understand that to get real engagement, people need to understand why what they're doing matters, how it fits into the overall vision of the organization, and how it impacts others. When your team members understand the why behind their work, they become more engaged with the what - leading to higher motivation, creativity, and commitment.
As we teach in our Leading High Performing Teams course, when team members understand the purpose behind their work and how it connects to the bigger picture, their motivation and performance naturally increase.
6. They Model Vulnerability and Continuous Learning
Remember that manager who never admits mistakes? I once worked for a boss who had all the answers (he didn't), before you even finished the question, never made mistakes (he did all the time), and felt that there was nothing left for him to learn (volumes could be written on his work-related ignorance alone). This approach actually diminishes respect rather than building it.
Research by Brené Brown and others shows that leaders who demonstrate appropriate vulnerability – admitting mistakes, acknowledging limitations, and showing a commitment to growth – actually build stronger connections and greater trust with their teams.
When leaders model vulnerability and continual learning, they create a culture where everyone feels safe to experiment, fail, learn, and grow – the essential ingredients for innovation and adaptation in today's fast-changing business environment.
7. They Develop Others Intentionally
Perhaps the most profound difference between average and exceptional leaders is their commitment to developing the people around them.
Great leaders don't just achieve results today; they build the capacity for greater results tomorrow by nurturing talent and creating opportunities for growth.
As one participant in our ASCEND Executive Leadership Program put it: "I started the ASCEND program shortly after taking a new supervisory position in an environment that was having some tremendous organizational challenges post COVID. I was living the content of the course as I was going through it in real time. The course content allowed me not only to survive, but to thrive in a challenging environment."
Putting It Into Practice
Reading about leadership principles is one thing; putting them into practice is another. Here are some simple ways to start shifting toward more effective leadership behaviors:
- Begin meetings with questions rather than statements. This signals that you value input and sets a collaborative tone.
- Practice the "plus one" rule. When someone shares an idea, try to build on it before criticizing or dismissing it.
- Create feedback loops. Regularly ask your team what's working, what's not, and what you could do differently as their leader.
- Share your learning journey. Talk openly about what you're working on professionally and personally, which gives others permission to do the same.
- Celebrate intelligent failures. Recognize and appreciate when team members take smart risks, even when they don't pan out perfectly.
The Courage to Lead Differently
Making this shift isn't easy. There's often organizational pressure to conform to outdated leadership models that emphasize control, certainty, and authority.
Choosing a more effective approach requires courage – the courage to ask instead of tell, to admit what you don't know, to invite dissent rather than demand agreement.
But the payoff is immense: more engaged teams, better solutions, sustainable results, and perhaps most importantly, the satisfaction of knowing you're helping others grow while accomplishing meaningful work together.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson put it, "Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be." That's the essence of exceptional leadership – not commanding performance, but inspiring possibility.
Ready to Transform Your Leadership?
The journey from power-focused to people-focused leadership isn't always easy, but it's incredibly rewarding – both for you and for those you lead. If you're looking to develop these transformational leadership traits in yourself or your team, we'd love to help.
Our leadership development programs combine proven frameworks with personalized coaching to create lasting transformation. Whether you're looking to refine your existing leadership approach or completely reimagine it, we can create a development path that meets you where you are.
Ready to take the next step? Schedule a complimentary strategy session to discuss your leadership challenges and explore how we can support your journey toward becoming a more effective, transformational leader. Or explore our leadership courses to start building these skills today.
What leadership myths have you had to unlearn in your career? Share your experiences in the comments below!
